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Lay Forever

by Yo Ticonderoga

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1.
Mainland 02:05
I’m not coming from the mainland understand. I was walking along the ocean, I was soaking wet and swept up in the motion. I had an alabaster statue, a busted bust of my friend that looked like it was looking at you. I knew a bunch of guys from Tulsa, in each other’s books and in each other’s pulses. I took a bus across the nation, I saw the devil in his undies after midnight at the station. I took a look at all the smokestacks, then I shut the window and I never looked back. I was driving like a bastard, she was in the car, you don’t believe me? You can ask her.
2.
Dark moon glows bright, with lakes and cabins, misty moonlit night. Marathon parts three and four, as we hang out on your bedroom floor. You, Jason, and I, would hang in on Friday nights. We’d never go to parties, and you never seemed to mind, well, I miss those times. Let’s go hang out, because my mom and dad are going out. Did you wanna pick the next CD, Exchanging monster movie magazines. You, Jason, and I, can hang in anytime, and we’ll never go to parties, and I’ll never even mind, well, I’ll see you tonight.
3.
Squirts and scoundrels round the citadels, and the royals ring the rhythm bells, swarming circles sack your sacred spires. This land of yours was settled by bastards, drunks, and thieves. Mega corporate conglomerate flies a shiny advertisement jet over the tiny meadow of my mind. But I’m not tied to the land, I’m as removed as a grain from the sand and I’m not in denial, it’ll be a while before you find evidence of my complicity in your file.
4.
Norma 01:55
I knew your nana back when we were teenagers we spent our summers in Ogunquit and we might as well been strangers and we drove each other crazy, man, but we were so close, out of all dead friends I really miss her the most and it’s sad, but I know you never know what’s gonna happen in this world, when it does it takes a while for the peace to unfold and from the pieces that you pick up you create a new mold and you go. I knew your mama back when she was a girl, she used to play in the dirt, her hair was cinnamon swirl, and she wrote me a letter back when her mother died I was holding my heart and her soul was inside and it’s sad. I knew (joined) this singing group in my Virginia church, they tolerate me, and my New English quirks. When they say “ya’ll talk funny” I laugh, I listen and learn, and wait my turn.
5.
Lay Forever 01:09
I was hoping for a little time to alter the ways of the difficulty that I’m finding crippling these days, as in the cases of detectives with the tracks in the snow - keep getting warmer and you’ll find that you have nowhere to go. It leaves you for a minute with a thumb up your ass and just like every other moment this whole program will pass, and I don’t need to seek out difficulty, it’ll find me, imagine having my own soily spot of simplicity where I can lay forever. Oh yeah you wake up in the morning thinking that’d be enough, but despondency’s patrolling and he’s waving the cuffs, and I think it’s unjust, I think it’s a shame, I think if I had any sense I’d put an end to the game, you’ve got this laid back attitude that helps to keep you ok, cause you’re so “live and let live” and I’m so “die every day,” and now I’m tired of dying because I’m starting to rot, if I don’t start living today I might as well pick a spot where I can lay forever.
6.
Echoes of reggaeton blowing through a paper wall. I feel my skeleton inside my body start to crawl across the floor, out the door, down the stairs. I want to reconcile distances I cannot cross. I wanna sure-fire certainty that ash and dust can be redeemed, or rebreathe. But I can’t stop from wishing you, absurdities I’d know you’d approve of the gallows humor that gets us by, aggressive tumors that hang us high. A new transparency I didn’t want to see so soon, a surreality that drips into the afternoon, the yellow morning went by so fast. And I throw another day right into the fireplace, that’s bricked-in in this house, my days they go no place but now I can sleep, whoa baby - "perchance to dream".
7.
Ink Cage 01:40
Don’t let me near another beer, when I watch Full Metal Jacket every ten years I feel weird. “Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?” Is there a fellow cataloguer who has watched his past roam horse-free? Where I come from the trials match the errors, and the beauty’s barricaded by the terrors. The people I look up to so much? They ain’t complacent, no they face it and they stay themselves and never lose touch. On a day of stunning equanimity I can only hope the feeling lives a little longer and lingers around me. Yesterday the sacred kissed the profane, and my heart went truant and skipped school with my brain. But I’m looking around for what it takes. I measure out my life in coffee breaks – It “was a vast glowing empty page” now it’s an inked-in cage. And I know you’re getting tired of me despairing over life’s undecidability, but I don’t listen to anyone - just listen to everyone, please.
8.
Water's Fine 01:22
Most of what we do is forgotten and that’s ok. I am here with you in this moment and I like it very much that way, and I can justify my desire to douse my intestines in fire but water’s fine. I had an idea of what we were doing but things have changed. Reality can be malleable and the river we’re on is getting strange. But we don’t have to be afraid, we can roll of this raft that we made, cause the water’s fine. I get embarrassed about some of the stuff that I said before, but they say that what’s under the bridge is in the past and to worry no more. The river’s deep, forgiveness is hard, it’s crucial to let down your guard, the water’s fine.
9.
Each day I wake up in the morning, wipe the boot prints from my neck. Oh man all my ideas are swarming, I don’t know which one I’ll disregard next. I’m looking as good as a car wreck, I’m feeling as light as a stone. I’m pissing in places I’d never imagine, hey man I thought I was alone. And I know, track and control. I’ve been downtown in the winter, I’ve been by the sea in the sun. I’ve fallen, got hurt, and deserted my shirt in the dirt where the flowers had sprung. If I ever told you my story, you’d probably just look at your phone, cause it’s completely free of the immediacy and the urgency you only know.
10.
The Trap 02:27
Wendy what am I doing, why am I feeling, numb again? Don’t tell anymore stories, successes and glories, and rock bottom falls, because I’ve heard them all, and the harder they come, the harder they fall. So Larry, where does the time go, what are you hiding, and does your wife know? Don’t blame generations, provocative stations, it’s all our own fault. It’s because of us all, and the way we’ve evolved. I’m sick of feeling dirty, dumb, ashamed to meet your eyes. I’m sick of covering up for missing hours, with some lazy lies. I’m sick of smiling on the outside when I’m disgusted looking in. I wanna be someone that someone can believe in. So don’t make any excuses, because nobody is useless. We come back from our sins. There’s a way we can win. The harder we give, the bigger we live.
11.
I'm No You 03:19
Hey man do me one more solid and forget I ever tried to act so tough. You can widen all your options until you find a way your story’s stretched enough. I was reading about these artists in the midnight diner and trying to write it all. I was huffing accidentally, man I was getting high from the plaster in the wall. Well I’m no you but I feel like I know you. In the wake of all the options there was this urgency that hadn’t gone to sleep. I was taking care of kittens and I was chewing on a marijuana leaf. You can cut off all the corners and your circle might be round enough to spin. Don’t think my mother ever told me what a rough and wicked world she brought me in. If you love me like you say you do, just let me be a simple river stream, and when the center cannot hold no more the worst right now will seem a distant dream. The sticks we brandished at each other’s throats are seasoned well enough to burn. “For this we live a thousand years,” for this we love and live because we learn, because we learn.
12.
Devil Sticks 01:30
I’ve committed uncountable sins in a past life, and lived it to the fullest. My body is a prison designed by whoever hired the guards. I’m going through rough times, I’m getting through rough times. I had a little bit to drink tonight but I feel fine, and your words are hitting me. I’m asking everyone I know if they’re kidding me, but I’m starting to doubt it’s a joke.

credits

released April 30, 2018

Recorded at Project Sound in Haverhill, MA between September 29th and October 1st.
Mixed and mastered by Jay the Milky.
Artwork by Eugenia Loli
Layout by Brian Babineau
Kenny Ray served as our Master of Tape

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Yo Ticonderoga Billerica, Massachusetts

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